Otis Harris Jr. saw something extraordinary when he clicked on an ad for the Fathers in Focus conference in his Facebook feed last year.
“I’ve never seen that type of focus on motivating, empowering, and supporting fathers, father figures, and those who provide services to fathers,” said Harris, a father of 16 years, who was newly single at the time. “Fathers in Focus is important because programming for fathers is just not anywhere else.”
The second annual Fathers in Focus, presented by University of Wisconsin-Madison Division of Extension, will take place from 8 a.m.-4 p.m., Saturday, Oct. 18, at Madison College’s Truax Campus. The free event features 18 presenters, a keynote speaker, and a panel discussion to help fathers build their parenting skills and support networks. Mentors, coaches and allies are also welcome.
Fathering and the way men see it has changed faster than the systems that support families, says Dr. Alvin Thomas, co-chair of the Fathers in Focus conference, , and associate professor of Human Development and Family Studies at UW-Madison. Fathers are also held back by society’s view of mothers as primary caregivers and stigma around men expressing themselves and seeking support.
“Fathers said, ‘Where can we find a space to just come in as fathers and take off the restrictions without judgment?’” Thomas says. “‘We can’t address it in these normal spaces because they’re not prepared for us.’”
Research shows that dads in Wisconsin lack a sense of community and want to learn from and support other fathers, according to the UW-Madison Division of Extension Institute of Human Development and Relationships. Based on that research, Fathers in Focus offers six tracks:
- Co-Parenting
- Relationship and Parenting Skill-Building
- Child Support and Finances
- Custody Challenges
- Mental Health
- Justice-Involved Families
Research suggests that the father’s role relates to positive outcomes and resilience for children, families, and the father himself. But dads who want advice on colicky babies, prepubescent children, understanding child support payments or emerging from incarceration may have nowhere to go.
“There’s still a sense that you can’t be strong and vulnerable as a father,” Thomas says. “Boys are not being encouraged to engage in nurturing. Men are disconnected from this part of themselves, especially when they become fathers.”
Curated and led by men, Fathers in Focus is a space where dads drop their invisible armor. “Men can relate and be vulnerable because another dude over there is being vulnerable and it’s comfortable,” Thomas says.
Harris, a Madison native who’s worked with children and families for over two decades with Madison Pentecostal Assembly and is the founder of PushedN2Destiny Consulting, was inspired to lead a workshop at Fathers in Focus 2024. This year, he’ll speak about emotionally present fathering that shapes strong families and resilient kids.
Last year at the conference, Harris encountered a term that resonated deeply with work he had already been doing: “mental load.”
“I’d been balancing appointments, practices and school events but I didn’t know there was a name for it,” Harris says. “Learning about the concept of ‘mental load’ didn’t change what I did — it gave me language for what I’d already been carrying. That helped me teach it to other fathers so they could see the full picture of what parenting really requires.”
Service providers attend Fathers in Focus to listen to dads and to network so they can build father-centric programs. “Fathers in Focus is an ideological farmer’s market where you can see who’s doing what and how it fits with your organization’s current trajectory on the fatherhood spectrum,” Thomas says.
There, men can find real care and community and be themselves, Thomas says. Attendees laugh, enjoy each other’s company and share contact information.
“Some of us are doing everything right and we’re still at the end of our rope. Fathers in Focus refreshes us,” he says. “We’re fathers trying to raise our children to be active, supportive, successful members of society. You find what you need there — peace and support.”
Free registration for Fathers in Focus closes Sept. 15. Continuing education units are available. Sponsors include Madison College, Madison Metropolitan School District and the Office of Child Care and Family Resources at the UW–Madison School of Education.
Free online classes and support for fathers are available at parenting.extension.wisc.edu/classes-for-fathers.
