As November arrives, the season of Thanksgiving draws near; a time traditionally centered on gratitude and gathering with loved ones. While many eagerly embrace the chance to give thanks, this time of year can also stir complex feelings, especially when life feels heavy and gratitude feels out of reach.
As a clinician, I often witness how difficult it can be to access gratitude during challenging times, especially around the holidays. When stress, loss, or frustration take over, being told to “just be grateful” can feel forced or even unfair. Sometimes, it makes people question their own feelings or feel as if they must ignore the hardships they are facing.
Why Gratitude Matters
Gratitude isn’t about pretending that everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about noticing the small moments of hope or joy that can coexist with struggle. Research shows that genuine gratitude supports emotional health, reduces stress, improves sleep, and fosters optimism for the future (Jackowska et al., 2016).
At a neurological level, gratitude activates brain regions involved in emotional balance, planning, and self-reflection. Even small acts of gratitude can help rewire the brain to notice and appreciate positive experiences, no matter the surrounding circumstances (Kong et al., 2020).
Appreciation Over Forced Gratitude
But what if gratitude doesn’t feel natural or “right”? Recognizing the good doesn’t mean ignoring the hard parts. Darkness and pain are real, and pretending they aren’t only deepens negative emotions over time.
For many people, especially during times of anxiety, depression, grief, or trauma, forced gratitude can feel isolating or invalidating. Personally, I’ve found that shifting focus to appreciation has been more helpful for me. Appreciation invites us to notice small comforts or moments of relief—like a warm drink or a shared laugh—while still honoring what is difficult. This balanced perspective supports both emotional well-being and brain health.
Gratitude in Practice
Thanksgiving prompts many of us to reflect on what we’re grateful for. If gratitude feels distant, that’s okay. The holidays can bring up mixed emotions, and all of them deserve attention. In my clinical work, I encourage clients to accept their full range of feelings without pressure.
Building gratitude can start simply by noticing small moments of comfort or connection—a kind word, a quiet pause. Writing these moments down or taking a moment to reflect can help cultivate gratitude over time. It’s also important to allow space for difficult emotions, knowing that over time, this balanced practice helps the brain recognize moments of light alongside the dark.
Reflection Questions
- When have you felt pressured to feel grateful, and how did that affect you?
- What is one small thing you appreciated today, even if your day was difficult?
- How can you make space for both hard emotions and moments of appreciation, especially during the holiday season?
References:
- Jackowska, M., Brown, J., Ronaldson, A., & Steptoe, A. (2016). The impact of a brief gratitude intervention on subjective well-being, biology and sleep. Journal of health psychology, 21(10), 2207-2217.
- Kong, F., Zhao, J., You, X., & Xiang, Y. (2020). Gratitude and the brain: Trait gratitude mediates the association between structural variations in the medial prefrontal cortex and life satisfaction. Emotion (Washington, D.C.), 20(6), 917–926.
